dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
