dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
