My first STD was from a foam party
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
