I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
