Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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