I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
