I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
