what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
