the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Sorry my hands just texted you
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
