We got so high we made milksteak
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
