$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
