I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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