I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
