Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
