She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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