"it" just moved
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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