i will never coherently bang her
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I will be naked everywhere
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
