i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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