party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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