just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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