sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
