She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
