also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
