Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just gift wrapped bread.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
