I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
