I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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