Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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