Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
