I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
