Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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