Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
