You're so nebulous sometimes
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
foreskin is a definite game changer
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
