I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
