I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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