I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
