u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
