Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
