I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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