Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
