Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
