3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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