The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
