dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
