someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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