remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
