You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
