"it" just moved
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
