I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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