a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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