apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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