You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
